All that Glitters is not Gold

When I first moved to London oh something like 17 years ago, my mum made a comment to the effect that she thought, I thought “that  London’s streets were paved with gold”  Having travelled back and forth for 4 years in order to pursue my relationship with my then boyfriend and now husband David McQueen I was under no illusion that London has some big issues and that I would have to mete out my success with fear and trembling and that I would not find literal gold on the streets.

Here I am many years later and I can truly say I that what I have found, without a doubt, is that all that glitters is not gold. In a world where wealth, fame and fortune seem to matter to the masses I too, got caught up in believing that what you have defines who you are and your success. The big house, the fancy car, the credit cards in abundance, dining out very regularly and so much more, you know the score. It seems that in the western world what you have or what it looks like you have seems to be more important than who you are and that is often the case “down south”.

David and I have a number of  acquaintances who most definitely look the part, they seem to have it all, appear to be very successful and in with the in crowd! Everything is in control, the money is banked and they are living the proverbial life of Riley… or are they? Just scratch under the surface a bit more you you will find that their gold is in short supply.  You may think that you have little and not in their league, but you might be surprised to know that many are faking it, living their lives based on credit, an old reputation and in miserable relationships. It looks good but only a few bits of thread are holding it all together.

I’m not trying to dis anyone, I was there once, with everything looking great on the surface and the reality being really quite frighteningly different; scratch the surface and you wanted to cover it up pretty quickly! What I do want to point out is than often we we give ourselves a hard time for not having what other people have, not reaching their perceived level of success, not being on their level, not having their money or contacts or whatever. The truth is we have no idea what their reality is, we have no idea how much what they have has cost them in money, friends, values etc. Our job is not to covet what they have and decry what we haven’t, our job is to be content  and grateful for with what we have and strive to be the best that we can be without comparison to others.

Too often we are looking at dead wood that has caught the sunlight and think that it is a prosperous, healthy, fruit baring tree,  it’s not… its dead wood! If we could just for a moment stop to look at the little sapling tree (ourselves) which we often ignore because of others, we might just find that we have the potential to become like the great red woods of America which sparkle in the sunlight, standing tall, authentic and lasting.

Remember all that glitters is not gold, but if you can be look after with your little piece of lead you might just find that it turns into  real gold!

Alzheimer’s… an update

It’s been quite some time since I spoke about Alzheimer’ s, to be honest it’s a very painful subject and watching my mum deteriorate is really very difficult. I have questions that many people wouldn’t understand but those who has seen anyone suffer from a chronic disease might recognise them, so here they go.

1. When will it end?   I suppose this question is really when will mum die? No one ones the answer but it’s my most prevailing question. It’s horrible to see my mum the way she is, for me she is not who I knew her to be, so when does the facade end, so that the current grieving for a mother who is no longer with us can start for a mother who is no longer with us.
2. What does it mean that she’s put on weight? Does it mean that she is getting better? I know that it doesn’t but I kind of expect her to waste away and then when she doesn’t what does that really mean. The cruelty of the disease it seems knows no bounds, teasing us with psuedo hope, yet there is no cure.
3. Why did this have to happen? This is my meaning of life question where I suppose I shout at God for a while and then collapse in a heap and say “Thy will be done”. I know there is much to learn on this journey but it is painful all the same.
4. Is there anything we can do to make her better? I know that some swear by glyco-nutrients as reducing the effects of the disease, but there really is a feeling of hopelessness about it all. That it is inevitable that she will die and we are just waiting for the day.
5. Does she know me? This is the one all about visits, when you wonder if she knew that you were there. Last time I visited she said my name and I felt great, I don’t think it was because she recognised me but to be honest you can never be sure.

I have lots of questions, Alzheimer’s has a way of making you question when you see the demise of your parent to it’s clutches. I’ve sought outside help in being able to offload the stress of it all and it has been brilliant for me in managing the pain and hurt more effectively. Alzheimer’s really is a carers disease it hurts everyone involved and it’s overwhelming. I’ve learned that it is alright to say that it hurts and that it’s OK to cry unashamedly for as long as I want to, grieving the loss of the mother I knew and the arrival of this other person.

I love my mum and will forever have her in my heart. She is wheelchair bound, she speaks in riddles much of which is gibberish, she is hunched over quite often, her head held down and her eyes not quite fully open. She holds on to whatever she can and if she has your hand she’s not letting go. But she’s my mum still even if her character seems to be lost behind those eyes.

Auguste Deter (1850-1906) the first woman to be diagnosed with Alzheimers Disease

I wish that it could be taken more seriously this disease that takes our parents before their time leaving a shell of the person who was behind. I wish that sexy campaigns could be devised to raise millions to fund the much necessary research. I wish that the NHS and government would acknowledge the millions of carers who keep the costs of the disease at a minimum. I wish that those who made the decision about not giving the disease preventing drugs to those in the early stages of Alzheimers could really understand why its necessary to have the drug so early in the life of the disease. Lastly, I wish I could have my real mum back… but sadly that it not to be.

That’s my Alzheimer’s update.  If you’re experiencing it through your parent or grandparent, I hope it helps to know that you are not alone.

Why do we like to bitch?

I know, i know you didn’t expect me to use such as word for my blog title or use such a word in general. You’re right usually I wouldn’t use it as it is not necessary. But right now I think it’s the only word that describes what I’m about to talkabout.

It’s when people sit in a group and complain, bemoan, degrade, say derogatory things and verbally slaughter someone or something. What’s worse is that they do it without every attempting to address the issue with the person or the organisation or whatever the situation my be. They just revell in complaining about someone or something else without all the facts or understanding the circumstances behind the person or issue.

What is it about human nature that seems to revell in giving someone else or something a really hard time. I can talk about this because being quite a hypo critical person I have done this on more than one occassion. We love seeing a problem and expounding about it, assuming so many things as to what, why, how, where and when has happened or occurred. We we unforgiving in our bitching and take great pleasure it seems from assuming that the others motives are questionable.

Why is it that we don’t often deal with the person or actual issue face on? Why don’t we write a letter of complaint or contact the person or organsation to gain greater clarity or understanding? Why don’t we inform them in a polite manner of things we think could be included next time or highlight the error as we see it with suggestions of improvement?

We love to bitch!! We expect others to extend grace towards us and understand where we are coming from, but we seem to find it exceptionally difficult to extend that same grace and understanding that we expect of others. It’s high time that we drop the bitching and look for a better way of dealing with our frustation with others, taking action in some way makes much sense to me. It’s the solution that I have found works the best right now. Moreso it is far more energising and fruitful and leaves one with a sense of achievement.

So before you get involved in bemoaning someone or something, next time take a moment and see if there is another way of dealing with it that not only gratifies offending party but also yourself.

Alzheimer’s: Terry Pratchett has hit the nail on the head

Thank you Terry Pratchett!!!

This week Terry Pratchett revealed to the world that as an Alzheimer’s sufferer he’s donatin $1,000,000 to research a cure for the disease. At 59 is is considered rare as he is one of the 15,000 people in the UK to contract the before the age of 65. Over 700,000 suffer Alzheimer’s in the UK and it is a disease that destroys not only the sufferer but the also the family.

Terry is raising the issue that Alzheimer’s lacks the “heroic, glamour of cancer” and that the funding for a cure for the disease is a measly 3% of the amount of research funding that cancer received. That works out as £11.00 per year as opposed to £289.00 per year. That stinks. Now lets get this straight, in no way is he decrying or belittling cancer, he’s simply stating what those of us who have a family member know, Alzheimer’s does not get equal treatment, media attention, priority or any thing else.

Can you image the drug that delays the onset of Alzheimer’s, Aricept, is not available to early sufferers? Sorry? How on earth does that make sense? Surely those who are in the early stages of the disease need it to reduce the effects of the disease and reduce the costs on the health service… or is that just common sense?

I’ve read some of the comments made about what Terry has said and to be honest many people seem to be missing the point. Terry on the other hand for me has hit the nail on the head. This disease like many others needs much more attention. We cannot continue to ignore the elderly, who have given so much to this country, and leave them suffering with this debilitating disease that takes away their dignity and their precious memories. The stigma around the disease needs to be removed and more attention and consideration given to a cure.

Here are some of stats:

There are 700,000 people with dementia in the UK. This will rise to over 1 million people by 2025 and 1.7 million by 2051.

There are 575,000 people with dementia in England. The condition affects more than 56,000 people in Scotland, 16,000 in Northern Ireland and more than 36,000 people in Wales.

One person in every 14, aged over 65, in the UK has dementia. This rises to one in six people over 80. One in three older people will end their lives with a form of dementia

More than 60 per cent of all care home residents, aged over 65, have a form of dementia.

More than 15,000 people under 65 have dementia in the UK.

Dementia affects 11,000 people from black and minority ethnic groups in the UK.

More than 24 million people have dementia today with the numbers affected doubling every 20 years to more than 80 million by 2040.

Another 4.6 million people will develop dementia around the world this year.

It’s frightening and this disease is no respecter of persons we need a cure.

The Silent Shadow: Alzheimers

Everyday my silent shadow is with me,

it reminds me of the sadness that is deep within my heart that just wont go away

it reminds me of the possibilities of my future… the ones I don’t hope for.

My silent shadow reminds me of the days gone by,

when we had laughter and order and the independent woman taking care of us

so strong, beguiling, beautiful and like superwoman able to cope with just about anything.

My silent shadow makes me want to cry at the mention of her name,

yet it also brings a smile.

It’s here now it brings pain, peace, laughter and sorrow all in one.

The Lergie!!

OK well the lergie might be a bit of an exaggeration but hey that’s what it has felt like.

As a family we have been struck over the last week with the stomach bug from hell!! First little Lauren who’s stomach cramps, vomiting and the like started at around 2.00am last Friday morning. Poor thing she really was of no use to anyone least of all herself, to see such a vibrant child lay almost lifeless from what the bug was doing to her body was awful. But true to form Lauren never one to be kept down for long made a come back by Saturday afternoon and by Sunday was once again ruling the roost.

Not so much luck for Dave!! If he slept at all Sunday night I would be very surprised, he was it big time, the big man went down and he too became a meer shadow of his former self on Monday. Which was went I came over all strange and had some very piercing stomach cramps and by late afternoon I was of no use to neither man nor beast. Completely drained of energy, afraid to eat or drink and unable to find any respite to my suffering.

But it didn’t stop there, oh no, this bug was determined to make it’s mark and within a few hours of the assault on me, it make it’s acquaintance with Rianna our eldest. She too suffered the cramps, energy loss, vomiting and the rest that came with THE LERGIE!!!

Monday night in our house was not nice at all as three of us banished to one room (Since Lauren no longer had the bug in common with us) suffered and awful night of sickness. I cannot believe how ill I have felt over this week and how energy-less. There have been even flu like symptoms with our torso’s aching and lower back pain. It has not been nice at all.

We’re still not quite over it, but I am sure that by the weekend it will pass. I think it may have taken it’s toll of David and I as running our own business we have not been able to afford the luxury of not attending the training sessions and talks that we do. I am thankful that today my diary is clear and I can rest for the day, David has not been so blessed!!

We truly had the lergie this week and it’s been doing it’s rounds and many of the children at our daughters’ school have been off with it. So be warned…it’s out there!!!

Book Review: The Juice Master’s Slim 4 Life

Ok so maybe a picture of a man in shorts with his legs akimbo isn’t the best cover for a book, but hey what can I say, Jason Vales The Juice Masters’ Slim 4 Life book is brilliant.

It’s easy to read, even if you can feel the energy bursting out of him with every word, and most of all it dispels so many myths and miseducation about food.

I haven’t even finished the book yet and it has already changed may eating habits and my relationship with food. There is a long way to go but as someone who has struggled with weight problems for way to long, this book is a refreshing break from the “Follow my diet and depend on me for ever” clan.

It’s great, it’s not just for people who want to loose weight at all, it’s for those who want to live a healthy and envigorated life, to rediscover real food the way we are suppose to eat it and those who want to really understand what is happening behind the vale of many food companies. I can’t wait to finish it. Dave’s been reading it like mad, needless to say Jason Vale has become his new best friend!!

Coping with Alzheimer’s

I’m not quite sure if I am overtired fromn the events that I havemanaged in the last few days or what, I know that I am not my mum’s full time carer and don’t see her as regularly as I would like to, but to day coping with the knowledge of my mums Alzheimers has really got to me.

It’s one of those things that you just can’t quite get over, maybe you’re not supposed to, cope is most definitely the right word. Knowing that your parent is no longer the person you knew them to be, witty, intelligent, strong, resourcesful, funny, caring and so much more is sooo hard to come to terms with. The knowlege is something that is always there like your shadow, ever present. It’s difficult because you never know when a wave of sadness will hit you. I’m always using my mums sayings or using words that she used, at times I’m her “mini me” but sometimes, the pain of her demise really cuts like a knife and it’s hard not to cry.

Alzheimer’s really hurts. We can talk about coping and finding the positive and all of that , which is true… but the core of the matter is that this destructive disease is a painful experience for all concerned.

Alzheimer’s stinks

You know I must say it, Alzheimer’s stinks, it’s very cruel disease robbing those who suffer from it precious memory’s, reason and much more. It hurts so bad for us as relatives, too much for discussion at times. But what of the sufferer, who floats in and out of lucidity? How much harder must it be for them.

This is one disease that needs a cure and quick, and a honest cure too not just some pharmaceutical company getting rich of the back of suffers. It needs a cure that looks at all aspects of life; spiritual, physical, dietary, mental, medicinal and any other “ual” that fits that bill. Alzheimer’s stinks and that is exactly how I feel about it right now!!!

If you can the donate to the Alzheimer’s Society today. Thank you.

Malcolm & Barbara… loves farewell

This morning all I can do is sit here and celebrate the ITV documentary about a man’s demise due to Alzheimer’s. My mum has Alzheimers and is in the final stages of the disease. I have wondered recently how it would end and now I know watching Malcolms living death was harrowing, more so because I know exactly what it’s like. I can truly understand Barbara’s feelings and what struck me was the things that Malcolm did that my mum has done.

Did I cry, yes, just about all the way through it and at the end uncontrollably. Part way through my husband said that he was depressed and it was depressing. But this morning I am glad that the spotlight was placed on Alzheimers and that it has been in the news. I am glad because I don’t feel that it is taken seriously and I whole heartedly agree with Barbara’s comment that the NHS is saved billions of pounds a year because relatives feel duty bound to care for their loved ones.

If I didn’t have my faith I don’t know how I would cope and when my mum was at home, I didn’t live there, but two of my sisters did. Alzheimers from the distance I was at was and is a nightmare, I can only imagine what my sisters have been through.

Thank you Paul Watson and now the people really know what happens behind closed doors. Can you imagine, people crossed the street and some friends dropped off. What a world. Thank you Barbara for sharing with us so completely. Thank you.