I miss my Parents

As I mentioned earlier this week, I turned 40!! Wow I can’t believe it!

As I’ve gone through the first week of this milestone I have thought of my parents

Mum and Dad way back in the 70's

and I really wish that they were able to celebrate it with me, give me a hug and pat me on the back and say well done Madeline.

Unfortunately, this is not to be.

My dad who was a really very funny man who loved his wife and his children and showed it died in 1979 when I was ten, I have spend the vast majority of my life without him, but the impression he left on me for the first 10 years of my life is enormously positive and powerful.

My mum as, I have said here before, has Alzheimer’s disease is in the third and final stage of the disease and doesn’t know me any more. It’s like she is not really here as the woman I knew as my mum and the woman left behind are two very different people.

I miss my parents and they had a loving relationship and would hold hands and hug each other showing their love to each other as well as others. I miss being able to go and get my own hugs and kisses and love. It’s difficult to be without that kind of support and even though I get it in other ways it is just no the same.

To those of you who have lost parents to death or terminal illness and miss them, I just want you to know that hear your pain because I miss my parents too!

All that Glitters is not Gold

When I first moved to London oh something like 17 years ago, my mum made a comment to the effect that she thought, I thought “that  London’s streets were paved with gold”  Having travelled back and forth for 4 years in order to pursue my relationship with my then boyfriend and now husband David McQueen I was under no illusion that London has some big issues and that I would have to mete out my success with fear and trembling and that I would not find literal gold on the streets.

Here I am many years later and I can truly say I that what I have found, without a doubt, is that all that glitters is not gold. In a world where wealth, fame and fortune seem to matter to the masses I too, got caught up in believing that what you have defines who you are and your success. The big house, the fancy car, the credit cards in abundance, dining out very regularly and so much more, you know the score. It seems that in the western world what you have or what it looks like you have seems to be more important than who you are and that is often the case “down south”.

David and I have a number of  acquaintances who most definitely look the part, they seem to have it all, appear to be very successful and in with the in crowd! Everything is in control, the money is banked and they are living the proverbial life of Riley… or are they? Just scratch under the surface a bit more you you will find that their gold is in short supply.  You may think that you have little and not in their league, but you might be surprised to know that many are faking it, living their lives based on credit, an old reputation and in miserable relationships. It looks good but only a few bits of thread are holding it all together.

I’m not trying to dis anyone, I was there once, with everything looking great on the surface and the reality being really quite frighteningly different; scratch the surface and you wanted to cover it up pretty quickly! What I do want to point out is than often we we give ourselves a hard time for not having what other people have, not reaching their perceived level of success, not being on their level, not having their money or contacts or whatever. The truth is we have no idea what their reality is, we have no idea how much what they have has cost them in money, friends, values etc. Our job is not to covet what they have and decry what we haven’t, our job is to be content  and grateful for with what we have and strive to be the best that we can be without comparison to others.

Too often we are looking at dead wood that has caught the sunlight and think that it is a prosperous, healthy, fruit baring tree,  it’s not… its dead wood! If we could just for a moment stop to look at the little sapling tree (ourselves) which we often ignore because of others, we might just find that we have the potential to become like the great red woods of America which sparkle in the sunlight, standing tall, authentic and lasting.

Remember all that glitters is not gold, but if you can be look after with your little piece of lead you might just find that it turns into  real gold!

On becoming 40

On Sunday gone I entered a new era in my life and a new decade, I became 40 and a true adult! I’ve been gearing up to my 40th birthday for a while, I’ve not been afraid of it, I’ve actually been quite excited. For me 40 marks a level of achievement, a passing into a different period of my life and less fumbling around in the dark.

I’ve got to 40 and I can look back over the years and see the things that I have learned, skills, tools, understandings, etc and be truly grateful. If hadn’t experienced my mistakes, my low times, the relationship problems, the deaths of family and friends, my work experience, the choices that I have made good and bad, then I wouldn’t have learned so much about myself and others. Every course I’ve been on, meeting I’ve attended, client I’ve worked with, company I’ve worked for, person I’ve met and experience in church/s has brought me to were I am now, so that I can step in to my 40’s more sure of who I am, what I believe, why I believe, what I want and why I want it, how I like to be treated and how to teach people to treat me. I feel less clumsy, more able, less unsure, more certain, less inflexible, more willing to learn, less needy, more comfortable with me and that feels just fine

I’m not looking at 40 with rose tinted glasses thinking that I have made it, although in other countries and years gone by, the age 40 is/was a luxury. No, I feel like I still have much to learn but have a great foundation to stand on as I learn more. For me I have a freedom to be without being too concerned about what other people think of me, a surety about myself that I feel that has been 40 years in the making. As a christian my frame of reference is that God has brought me to this point and I am excited as to where he may take me.

I now understand why they say that life begins at 40… it is like a new beginning, but with less clumsiness and unsurety and with far more knowing and ability to deal with what is to come.

So Happy Birthday Me! Enjoy the Journey!

What are companies afraid of? Surveys!

Good old fashioned feedback is a great way to find out vital information that can help your business grow. When you ask your customers honest questions which don’t lead them to only positive answers you can really gain some gems of information that can revolutionize your business. Sadly many companies today are afraid of that kind of feedback which puts the customer in the drivers seat.

We are not often sure of what we will get back from our customers and so as we are often afraid of the unknown, we stay not knowing. I’ve worked with a number of companies to whom I have suggested that a survey was a good way to go. They had kicked and screamed about surveying their clients with excuses including lack of funds, lack of time, lack of man power to decipher the findings and many more. Often the real reason fro their reluctance is that old chestnut… fear. Fear that clients may not say what they want to hear, fear of criticism, fear that they may not be able to fix the problems that arise from the feedback they get. FEAR!!

Well as Susan Jeffers says “Feel the Fear and do it Anyway” There is so much to be gained from the honesty of our clients, we learn why we may be turning them off our products and services and how to turn them back on again. We get great ideas on how to improve our business and offerings, we find out what we are doing well so that we can implement the same ethos in other areas of our business. We gain knowledge and data and in business, apart from cash flow, data is king! With great data you can better fill your clients needs and keep on filling them so that you have consistent business and loyal customers providing you with the essential cash flow you need for a successful business . Imagine writing to a client who filled in honestly worded survey and gave you a great idea for a product, service or delivering your business better, when they receive that letter just imagine how much more they will want to use your service/products over your competition and recommend you.

Surveying works and works well, when honestly created and the answer/responses are openly received and where necessary acted on. Try it… go on you know you really want to.

Are You Hungry?

My favourite children’s book is called The Very Hungry Caterpillar, when I see it in book stores I always want to purchase it again even though I know I already have two copies already stashed away at home. What is it about this book that holds my attention and makes me smile every time I see it wanting to read it again and again? You know what it is? It is the layers of learning that come from such a simple book.

The story is of a caterpillar who over the course of 7 days eats more and more food and eventually becomes so fat that it cannot move. The caterpillar becomes a chrysalis and then turns into a beautiful butterfly.

For children, the learn the seven days of the week and counting and various foods and so much more, but I got to thinking about this story and how it relates to life’s journey. I turn 40 this year and I am excited abut what the other half of my life holds for me, I realise that I have been on the journey of the caterpillar for all of the first 40 years of my life and right now I am ready to fly.

So here is the learning for me and for other adults out there who may be wondering when their change is going to come.

1. It takes time to develop who you are, your beliefs, values and most importantly what your purpose is.
2. Your experiences feed you with knowledge, understanding, skills, resources and resilience. You gain maturity through experience.
3. We are never given more than we can handle. The Very Hungry Caterpillar eats more food each day increasing exponentially only by one item each day until just before it goes it’s its metamorphosis I have learned that just before your change comes one is expected to handle a larger obstacle than ever experienced before. However you have been gearing up to this so that you can handle it.
4. There is a time when we need to stop and take stock of where we are and make changes. Where we find out who we really are. This may feel like we are not moving forward even though we are ready for change. However, like a fine wine we are maturing waiting for the right time to burst and delight ourselves and others.
5. It is only when we have gone through this process that we can emerge as a beautiful butterfly embracing all that we have learnt and continue to learn and stepping wholly and fully into our purpose without. This is when we truly realise the value of everything that we have been through before.

Here’s the thing… in order to get to being a beautiful butterfly you’ve got to be hungry.

It takes time…

We live in an ever increasingly instant gratification society, over the last decade we have had an exponential amount of loans, credit cards, by now pay later and other such financial carrots dangled at us as part of the “you can have it now” ethos that has taken over our world. Recently we have seen that this mentality has come crashing down around our shoulders and is fashionably referred to as the “Credit Crunch”.

When I was a child, it took time, hard work, effort and patience to make a house a home and fill it with the mod cons most home buyers expect today as standard. It took grit to afford to go on holiday and come back without owing a penny. Business took time to bed in and build so that it could be profitable and appreciated by it’s customers and suppliers instead of the set it up overnight and make a million in a philosophy that often privales in the modern board room.

What I have learnt in recent years goes against the modern norm… it takes time. It’s taken time for David and I to build Milestone and we know that it will take much more for it to be the sustainable business we want it to be. It’s taken time for us to appreciate that it “little by little” is far more powerful than “all in one go”. It takes time to build a positive reputation and it builds time for others to recognise it.

I sat proudly observing my husband today as he beamed because he was featured in “The Voice” Newspaper as one of the movers and shakers to watch in 2009. He has worked tirelessly with young people to raise their confidence and attainment levels and has networked constantly at the sacrifice of family time to build contacts who could help him gain access to the more lucrative corporate work that buoys up the work he does in education.  To see him featured was a real priviledge but not something that has come over night, it has taken time and it will take more to really get where we want to go.

There is a phrase in the bible that says “Let patience have her perfect work” and every day I am learning that this is exactly what I need to do. That with patience, endeavour and a giving spirit over time all things are possible.

So go ahead… take your time.

We’re still not equal!

I’ve kept out of the Obama debate because it’s just silly. What can I say? Well all I can say is that “We’re still not equal!” I’m bored of the head lines. Barak Omaba is a man period!! Yes he is black… and so what? For all of the multiculturalism in this world, the racism still sticks out like garlic in a stew. Why don’t people just get it?

BLACK PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE TOO!! Oh for sure we have been through some hell.. treated less than animals, encaptures, enslaved, raped, torn apart and really, really affected by the slave mentality we were left with after 400 years of slavery. But we are still people. Intelligent, creative, versatile, fun, expressive and a whole lot more. We are human beings, not subhuman.

Barak Obama should be judged on his ability to get the job done. Not the colour of his skin. You don’t hear press reports or read articles saying that John McCain may loose his votes at the poles because he’s white… that’s right… because it would never cross anyones mind just because he is white. It makes him no more or no less deserving that Barak Obama because he’s black.

What a world we live in, where people pretend to be something they are really not. Racism lives and the people who know it are those who suffer it. Which is why it is so easy for those who don’t to say that it doesn’t exist. To quote an old American Indian phrase (and let’s face it they had a rough time too!).. “I will not judge a man until I have walked a mile in his moccasins.”

We were all created equal, we have the same bodies, organs, functionality, emotions. We are all unique and yet so alike, when will we accept each other without looking at the colour first? When will we all be viewed as equal

Don’t believe the hype

Recently I’ve had to really reassess what it is I want to do with my life or should I say my working life. Business development comes very naturally to me. Sit down in front of me and tell me about your business and inevitably I am able to help you find ways to reach your goals, focus better and maximise your business offering.

But I have had to ask myself… where does my passion life Madeline McQueen? And when I really thought about it, it comes with empowering people… women especially and helping them be the best that they can be. I’m passionate about helping them find the solutions to their problems whether that be making the best of their appearance finding the career that they want to be in or working on their relationships. It’s about helping them feel great and be great!!

So many times we follow a path because others tell us it is what we should be doing or we do so to be understood by and fit in with society. It’s just not necessary to do so! I realised that amidst all that I do work wise I have still be questioning if what I do is a legitimate job… why? Well something to do with not working 9 – 5 and having a payslip with the same amount of money in it each month! It’s silly I know, but I wonder just how many people out there who work for themselves or run their own businesses question their validity just because it doesn’t comform to the… “get a job” expectation that is placed on us from children.

So this morning, I say don’t believe the hype, be who you are and if that is not encompassed under one title… so what!! We are all many things and cannot be defined by the badge that someone else places on us. And so over the coming weeks you will find changing in my blog as I write about the varying sides of what I offer as a person and a business.

Step out into who you are and enjoy the journey…

Olympics… It’s Just Not Good Enough

Well it’s not is it…? I have been riveted to my screen during this years Olympics, I have cheered and watched with my mouth wide open, stayed up until almost 4:00am watching the women’s marathon and Paula Radcliff’s excruciating completion of a race she was unprepared for. Watched as UK athlete’s and sporting hopefuls worked there buts of to put Great Britain just over a week into the games at 3 position of the medals tables, unable to believe that we are still on the front page and climbing.

So what is it that is not good enough? Well my husband and I and many of our friends have all posed the question….. “Why is it that other countries are able to achieve phenomenal success in sporting championships and we (Great Briton) are always watching the success go by?

Well we did discuss that maybe the reason that Chinese do well is because their government hold their parents captive and the lives of their family and themselves is at risk if they don’t perform. Or that the Americans know that it is all milk and honey when they get back home and they are truly celebrated. Whilst we had a laugh we all unanimously agreed that one this and one thing only makes the biggest difference and this is…… investment!

I felt ashamed and angered and I listened to Kate Read who ran the 10,000m who said that she had “No support, no physiotherapy and no lottery funding”. Sounds about right!!! There must be better investment into the success of our sporting teams, better facilities (stop selling of the leisure centres and land), better training (use those that can… Linford Christie is a great example), link sports to education (they do it in America.. if you don’t have the grades you can’t compete). It’s time we sorted this out. Too often programmes to engage new talent are under funded, lasting 6 months or a year or so and then they fizzle out and the talent that they were nurturing fizzles out too.

If we really want to compete on an international level then we need to look at

what is working well or other countries and model what they do, investing in the infrastructure that is required to produce quality, consistent altheletes. Maybe…just maybe this might be one of the many answers to helping resolve the youth crime and youth disengagement that we see on our streets today.

I take nothing at all away from the outstanding performances of the athletes I have eagerly watched and cheered on our screens, and yes I was willing both of the athletes who went after gymnastic bronze medalist Louis Smith to fall and I did laugh and jump when they did, Hell I wanted the boy to win a medal and he did!! I feel excited about the prospects of 2012…. but somethings got to change and I think that it might be that the powers that be take British sporting seriously and stop short changing those who work tireless to bring home the medals for their country!

Why do we like to bitch?

I know, i know you didn’t expect me to use such as word for my blog title or use such a word in general. You’re right usually I wouldn’t use it as it is not necessary. But right now I think it’s the only word that describes what I’m about to talkabout.

It’s when people sit in a group and complain, bemoan, degrade, say derogatory things and verbally slaughter someone or something. What’s worse is that they do it without every attempting to address the issue with the person or the organisation or whatever the situation my be. They just revell in complaining about someone or something else without all the facts or understanding the circumstances behind the person or issue.

What is it about human nature that seems to revell in giving someone else or something a really hard time. I can talk about this because being quite a hypo critical person I have done this on more than one occassion. We love seeing a problem and expounding about it, assuming so many things as to what, why, how, where and when has happened or occurred. We we unforgiving in our bitching and take great pleasure it seems from assuming that the others motives are questionable.

Why is it that we don’t often deal with the person or actual issue face on? Why don’t we write a letter of complaint or contact the person or organsation to gain greater clarity or understanding? Why don’t we inform them in a polite manner of things we think could be included next time or highlight the error as we see it with suggestions of improvement?

We love to bitch!! We expect others to extend grace towards us and understand where we are coming from, but we seem to find it exceptionally difficult to extend that same grace and understanding that we expect of others. It’s high time that we drop the bitching and look for a better way of dealing with our frustation with others, taking action in some way makes much sense to me. It’s the solution that I have found works the best right now. Moreso it is far more energising and fruitful and leaves one with a sense of achievement.

So before you get involved in bemoaning someone or something, next time take a moment and see if there is another way of dealing with it that not only gratifies offending party but also yourself.