I miss my Parents

As I mentioned earlier this week, I turned 40!! Wow I can’t believe it!

As I’ve gone through the first week of this milestone I have thought of my parents

Mum and Dad way back in the 70's

and I really wish that they were able to celebrate it with me, give me a hug and pat me on the back and say well done Madeline.

Unfortunately, this is not to be.

My dad who was a really very funny man who loved his wife and his children and showed it died in 1979 when I was ten, I have spend the vast majority of my life without him, but the impression he left on me for the first 10 years of my life is enormously positive and powerful.

My mum as, I have said here before, has Alzheimer’s disease is in the third and final stage of the disease and doesn’t know me any more. It’s like she is not really here as the woman I knew as my mum and the woman left behind are two very different people.

I miss my parents and they had a loving relationship and would hold hands and hug each other showing their love to each other as well as others. I miss being able to go and get my own hugs and kisses and love. It’s difficult to be without that kind of support and even though I get it in other ways it is just no the same.

To those of you who have lost parents to death or terminal illness and miss them, I just want you to know that hear your pain because I miss my parents too!

On becoming 40

On Sunday gone I entered a new era in my life and a new decade, I became 40 and a true adult! I’ve been gearing up to my 40th birthday for a while, I’ve not been afraid of it, I’ve actually been quite excited. For me 40 marks a level of achievement, a passing into a different period of my life and less fumbling around in the dark.

I’ve got to 40 and I can look back over the years and see the things that I have learned, skills, tools, understandings, etc and be truly grateful. If hadn’t experienced my mistakes, my low times, the relationship problems, the deaths of family and friends, my work experience, the choices that I have made good and bad, then I wouldn’t have learned so much about myself and others. Every course I’ve been on, meeting I’ve attended, client I’ve worked with, company I’ve worked for, person I’ve met and experience in church/s has brought me to were I am now, so that I can step in to my 40’s more sure of who I am, what I believe, why I believe, what I want and why I want it, how I like to be treated and how to teach people to treat me. I feel less clumsy, more able, less unsure, more certain, less inflexible, more willing to learn, less needy, more comfortable with me and that feels just fine

I’m not looking at 40 with rose tinted glasses thinking that I have made it, although in other countries and years gone by, the age 40 is/was a luxury. No, I feel like I still have much to learn but have a great foundation to stand on as I learn more. For me I have a freedom to be without being too concerned about what other people think of me, a surety about myself that I feel that has been 40 years in the making. As a christian my frame of reference is that God has brought me to this point and I am excited as to where he may take me.

I now understand why they say that life begins at 40… it is like a new beginning, but with less clumsiness and unsurety and with far more knowing and ability to deal with what is to come.

So Happy Birthday Me! Enjoy the Journey!

It takes time…

We live in an ever increasingly instant gratification society, over the last decade we have had an exponential amount of loans, credit cards, by now pay later and other such financial carrots dangled at us as part of the “you can have it now” ethos that has taken over our world. Recently we have seen that this mentality has come crashing down around our shoulders and is fashionably referred to as the “Credit Crunch”.

When I was a child, it took time, hard work, effort and patience to make a house a home and fill it with the mod cons most home buyers expect today as standard. It took grit to afford to go on holiday and come back without owing a penny. Business took time to bed in and build so that it could be profitable and appreciated by it’s customers and suppliers instead of the set it up overnight and make a million in a philosophy that often privales in the modern board room.

What I have learnt in recent years goes against the modern norm… it takes time. It’s taken time for David and I to build Milestone and we know that it will take much more for it to be the sustainable business we want it to be. It’s taken time for us to appreciate that it “little by little” is far more powerful than “all in one go”. It takes time to build a positive reputation and it builds time for others to recognise it.

I sat proudly observing my husband today as he beamed because he was featured in “The Voice” Newspaper as one of the movers and shakers to watch in 2009. He has worked tirelessly with young people to raise their confidence and attainment levels and has networked constantly at the sacrifice of family time to build contacts who could help him gain access to the more lucrative corporate work that buoys up the work he does in education.  To see him featured was a real priviledge but not something that has come over night, it has taken time and it will take more to really get where we want to go.

There is a phrase in the bible that says “Let patience have her perfect work” and every day I am learning that this is exactly what I need to do. That with patience, endeavour and a giving spirit over time all things are possible.

So go ahead… take your time.

Alzheimer’s… an update

It’s been quite some time since I spoke about Alzheimer’ s, to be honest it’s a very painful subject and watching my mum deteriorate is really very difficult. I have questions that many people wouldn’t understand but those who has seen anyone suffer from a chronic disease might recognise them, so here they go.

1. When will it end?   I suppose this question is really when will mum die? No one ones the answer but it’s my most prevailing question. It’s horrible to see my mum the way she is, for me she is not who I knew her to be, so when does the facade end, so that the current grieving for a mother who is no longer with us can start for a mother who is no longer with us.
2. What does it mean that she’s put on weight? Does it mean that she is getting better? I know that it doesn’t but I kind of expect her to waste away and then when she doesn’t what does that really mean. The cruelty of the disease it seems knows no bounds, teasing us with psuedo hope, yet there is no cure.
3. Why did this have to happen? This is my meaning of life question where I suppose I shout at God for a while and then collapse in a heap and say “Thy will be done”. I know there is much to learn on this journey but it is painful all the same.
4. Is there anything we can do to make her better? I know that some swear by glyco-nutrients as reducing the effects of the disease, but there really is a feeling of hopelessness about it all. That it is inevitable that she will die and we are just waiting for the day.
5. Does she know me? This is the one all about visits, when you wonder if she knew that you were there. Last time I visited she said my name and I felt great, I don’t think it was because she recognised me but to be honest you can never be sure.

I have lots of questions, Alzheimer’s has a way of making you question when you see the demise of your parent to it’s clutches. I’ve sought outside help in being able to offload the stress of it all and it has been brilliant for me in managing the pain and hurt more effectively. Alzheimer’s really is a carers disease it hurts everyone involved and it’s overwhelming. I’ve learned that it is alright to say that it hurts and that it’s OK to cry unashamedly for as long as I want to, grieving the loss of the mother I knew and the arrival of this other person.

I love my mum and will forever have her in my heart. She is wheelchair bound, she speaks in riddles much of which is gibberish, she is hunched over quite often, her head held down and her eyes not quite fully open. She holds on to whatever she can and if she has your hand she’s not letting go. But she’s my mum still even if her character seems to be lost behind those eyes.

Auguste Deter (1850-1906) the first woman to be diagnosed with Alzheimers Disease

I wish that it could be taken more seriously this disease that takes our parents before their time leaving a shell of the person who was behind. I wish that sexy campaigns could be devised to raise millions to fund the much necessary research. I wish that the NHS and government would acknowledge the millions of carers who keep the costs of the disease at a minimum. I wish that those who made the decision about not giving the disease preventing drugs to those in the early stages of Alzheimers could really understand why its necessary to have the drug so early in the life of the disease. Lastly, I wish I could have my real mum back… but sadly that it not to be.

That’s my Alzheimer’s update.  If you’re experiencing it through your parent or grandparent, I hope it helps to know that you are not alone.

Don’t believe the hype

Recently I’ve had to really reassess what it is I want to do with my life or should I say my working life. Business development comes very naturally to me. Sit down in front of me and tell me about your business and inevitably I am able to help you find ways to reach your goals, focus better and maximise your business offering.

But I have had to ask myself… where does my passion life Madeline McQueen? And when I really thought about it, it comes with empowering people… women especially and helping them be the best that they can be. I’m passionate about helping them find the solutions to their problems whether that be making the best of their appearance finding the career that they want to be in or working on their relationships. It’s about helping them feel great and be great!!

So many times we follow a path because others tell us it is what we should be doing or we do so to be understood by and fit in with society. It’s just not necessary to do so! I realised that amidst all that I do work wise I have still be questioning if what I do is a legitimate job… why? Well something to do with not working 9 – 5 and having a payslip with the same amount of money in it each month! It’s silly I know, but I wonder just how many people out there who work for themselves or run their own businesses question their validity just because it doesn’t comform to the… “get a job” expectation that is placed on us from children.

So this morning, I say don’t believe the hype, be who you are and if that is not encompassed under one title… so what!! We are all many things and cannot be defined by the badge that someone else places on us. And so over the coming weeks you will find changing in my blog as I write about the varying sides of what I offer as a person and a business.

Step out into who you are and enjoy the journey…

Thailand: He’s gone again

Well he’s gone again, David has found himself in Phuket, Thailand at the i-genius World Summit where he is speaking and facilitating and yet again I am let home with the babies!!! This does feel a little bit like de ja vous since last year he was swanning about at the TED Global Conference in Tanzania.

Yet again, he’s in a beautiful hotel, with amazing scenery and as he puts it “5 minutes from the beach and 2 minutes from the pool”.

I am really very proud of him David is an outstanding speaker. I can say that not because he’s my husband but because he is, he’ll tell you himself that I am his biggest critic and ruthless at that. But he really has that something and when he stands in front of an audience he tends to have them eating out of his hand.

Anyway enough of the….I’m off to start planning my world excursion for next year and he can stay home!!!!

10 Years Old – My Doesn’t Time Fly!

It’s January 5th and 10 years ago to the day Rianna Alexandra McQueen was born, a grey baby with very low agar’s who took a while to cry. Not that I would know I was knocked out under general anaesthetic since I could not no more than 2 1/2 centimetres dilated and needed to be cut open, worse still nothing but general anaesthetic worked for me in the way of pain relief!

It’s amazing the time has flown and the little baby who had such a knowing face is blooming into a beautiful intelligent young woman who likes to present her parents with challenges. She has always been able to understand the context of words and events and happily uses them back at us at the most opportune moments!!! LOL Rianna is certainly challenging, but I can truly say that I am proud of her.

She is 10, Oh my goodness, what has the next decade got in store for me and this child who as my mum would say “has been down here before”. I know that we are entering a challenging time of our relationship as mother and daughter as she seeks to work out all the changes that are happening to her physically and mentally and as I deal with the hormonal effects of adolescence and often heart wrenching acceptance that my child is becoming a woman. We I am sure will fall out the coming years over outfits, boyfriends (No way) and other such delights, but today I am thankful and blessed that God has seen us through the gift of Rianna.

Happy Birthday Baby!

What to get for Christmas

I’ve not really given much thought about Christmas presents this year. Not really got into the commercial hubbub. Yes the tree is up and the lights are over the Jack Vettriano picture in the dining room, but that’s about it. To be honest we’ve been too busy to think about it and lately too sick!!

But I am quite stumped at what to get everyone this Christmas. I want to give presents that will really make a impact and share some of the self development and learning that I have acquired especially over recent years, especially to my nieces and nephews. Delivering workshops in high schools has really shown me how much young people truly need to be given life skills before they leave school, teaching them how to develop their confidence, to understand how their words impact their actions and challenging them to uncover their goals and plan to achieve them is critical to their success.  That’s what I want to give this Christmas.

So I am on the hunt for books or tapes that are right for 10 – 14 year olds which motivate and elevate them to success.  Because life is just too short.

Young Minds

For the last three weeks I have been delivering workshops in schools to year 9 and 11 students. For those of you who don’t know that’s 13/14  and 15/16 year olds! It has been some experience as I’ve worked with them on our programme Unlimited Potential delivering Confidence Building and Goal Setting training.  It’s amazing how already the lively positive attitudes that much younger children have has already started to be eradicated.

These young people are creative, fun, intelligent and so much more. As every it has really hit me how positive words, thoughts and actions can really impact young minds. Just by telling a young mind they are going to fail if they don’t buck up their ideas can send them in to complete meltdown where perspective and self empowerment are eradicated in one fell swoop.

I completely take my hat off to teachers who day in day out have to deal with these young inquisitive, feisty, challenging young minds who question everything and sometimes just can’t help but talk incessantly. Whilst challenging they are fun to be with, the potential that I see in the young people I work with never ceases to astound me. Yet our society seems to have forgotten how to motivate them without the over stimulation of TV, PSP’s, IPod’s, Mobile Phones, X Boxes, Ninetendo’s, Wii’s and they every annoying Celebrity this that and the other.

Today I spoke with a group I was working with about a time when TV came on only at certain time in the day and when you find you own stimulation and fun and truly explored the creativity of your young mind. Gosh I remember have outrageous fun with a double mattress that was squeezed on it side between the airing cupboard and the wardrobe in my bedroom, I can’t help but think of that and loose a breath from the many time I completely lost my ability to speak because I was crying with laughter.

… I digress!!

Young minds are impressionable, they need the most positive yet boundary full environment to explore who they are, who they want to be and what life has to offer them. They need positive words of encourage and the tools and strategies to empower and encourage themselves. They need to know that they “can” regardless of the challenges that face them. I know that what David and I do makes some difference. Can you?

Vocation, vocation, vocation

At last!!! The television programme that David has been working on for most of this year is due to debut this morning on Channel 4 at 9.30am. This has been a life long dream for Dave and at the beginning of this year he clearly stated that one of his goals was to be on TV and here we are.

Proud is an understatement.. Well Done Dave you rock!!