On Sunday gone I entered a new era in my life and a new decade, I became 40 and a true adult! I’ve been gearing up to my 40th birthday for a while, I’ve not been afraid of it, I’ve actually been quite excited. For me 40 marks a level of achievement, a passing into a different period of my life and less fumbling around in the dark.
I’ve got to 40 and I can look back over the years and see the things that I have learned, skills, tools, understandings, etc and be truly grateful. If hadn’t experienced my mistakes, my low times, the relationship problems, the deaths of family and friends, my work experience, the choices that I have made good and bad, then I wouldn’t have learned so much about myself and others. Every course I’ve been on, meeting I’ve attended, client I’ve worked with, company I’ve worked for, person I’ve met and experience in church/s has brought me to were I am now, so that I can step in to my 40’s more sure of who I am, what I believe, why I believe, what I want and why I want it, how I like to be treated and how to teach people to treat me. I feel less clumsy, more able, less unsure, more certain, less inflexible, more willing to learn, less needy, more comfortable with me and that feels just fine
I’m not looking at 40 with rose tinted glasses thinking that I have made it, although in other countries and years gone by, the age 40 is/was a luxury. No, I feel like I still have much to learn but have a great foundation to stand on as I learn more. For me I have a freedom to be without being too concerned about what other people think of me, a surety about myself that I feel that has been 40 years in the making. As a christian my frame of reference is that God has brought me to this point and I am excited as to where he may take me.
I now understand why they say that life begins at 40… it is like a new beginning, but with less clumsiness and unsurety and with far more knowing and ability to deal with what is to come.
My favourite children’s book is called The Very Hungry Caterpillar, when I see it in book stores I always want to purchase it again even though I know I already have two copies already stashed away at home. What is it about this book that holds my attention and makes me smile every time I see it wanting to read it again and again? You know what it is? It is the layers of learning that come from such a simple book.
The story is of a caterpillar who over the course of 7 days eats more and more food and eventually becomes so fat that it cannot move. The caterpillar becomes a chrysalis and then turns into a beautiful butterfly.
For children, the learn the seven days of the week and counting and various foods and so much more, but I got to thinking about this story and how it relates to life’s journey. I turn 40 this year and I am excited abut what the other half of my life holds for me, I realise that I have been on the journey of the caterpillar for all of the first 40 years of my life and right now I am ready to fly.
So here is the learning for me and for other adults out there who may be wondering when their change is going to come.
It takes time to develop who you are, your beliefs, values and most importantly what your purpose is.
Your experiences feed you with knowledge, understanding, skills, resources and resilience. You gain maturity through experience.
We are never given more than we can handle. The Very Hungry Caterpillar eats more food each day increasing exponentially only by one item each day until just before it goes it’s its metamorphosis I have learned that just before your change comes one is expected to handle a larger obstacle than ever experienced before. However you have been gearing up to this so that you can handle it.
There is a time when we need to stop and take stock of where we are and make changes. Where we find out who we really are. This may feel like we are not moving forward even though we are ready for change. However, like a fine wine we are maturing waiting for the right time to burst and delight ourselves and others.
It is only when we have gone through this process that we can emerge as a beautiful butterfly embracing all that we have learnt and continue to learn and stepping wholly and fully into our purpose without. This is when we truly realise the value of everything that we have been through before.
Here’s the thing… in order to get to being a beautiful butterfly you’ve got to be hungry.
I know I’ve been quiet for quite some time, blogging only here on there, but whilst I have been absent I have been travelling on my self discovery journey which inevitably is not over yet. I have learnt so much about myself and at the same time accepted so much more about me. I’ve learned to trust my instincts better and even more importantly I have learned to extend to myself grace.
If you watch television you will find lots of wanna be’s, look alikes and copy cats, you will also find lots of adverts impressing on you how you should look, what you should eat, or wear or what car to buy and over and over again images are being impressed on us of who we should be. The truth is you should just be you, regardless of your weight, height, dress send or career, it’s important that you accept yourself just the way you are. If there is any need to change that should be lead by your desire to the the best that YOU can be not the best that someone else prescribed for you.
It takes some real forgiveness to accept yourself and to be happy with who you are, whilst there are some things that I would really live to develop about myself and work on I can truly say that I am happy with me. It’s from this standpoint that I can move forward, allowing myself to be all that I can be with out reservation and self criticism that often hampers that success that I should be experiencing. I’ve learnt to challenge my underdog who tells me that I can’t do some thing or that I’m not good enough, slim enough, tall enough (insert your own) and remind myself of all I have achieved and are capable of achieving.
My dad died when I was ten years old, way back in 1979 when bereavement counselling wasn’t fashionable and when you just got on with it, my mum has been suffering with dementia in the form of Alzheimers for the last 10 years and it has been really very hard going. But!!! and this really is a big but… what I has really hit me in the face is that whilst these things have affected me Life is for the Living and tomorrow is not promised so it’s time to seize today. It’s time to live enjoying who I am not wishing away the skills and qualities I have in the desire to be like someone else. It’s time to recognise that I am enough and that what I have to offer is just as good as the next person if not better. We can either let our life experiences push us forward or allow them to take us down. I am who I am a woman who is multi-skilled, multi-faceted, with amazing prospects.
If I can be me and love me then you can just be you.
No matter what else has been said about Jeffrey Archer there is one thing that stands for me, he surely can write a good novel. I’ve read much of his work and I must say that False Impressions was an absolutely riveting read. I could not put this book down. After I had finished David took it up and finished it in an equally short period of time, not because of the lack of pages but because of it’s compelling and exciting story line. Take an old family, coveted art, a greedy ruthless man, a woman searching for a way to save her life and the fortune of others, 9-11, some unsavoury characters, a loyal taxi driver and an enquiring detective and you have one hell of a story.
You know what, I’m not going to even attempt to tell you the plot all I can say is that it is riveting and worth a good read!!!
By the way if you buy this book and on the day you start reading it you are supposed to have dinner with friends… well, I suggest you cancel!
I’ve found that self belief has most probably been my biggest hurdle in life. Self belief! Believing that I can!! I mean even if you know that you have got skills, talents, abilities, a great product, service or offering something deep inside holds you back from achieveing all that you know you are truly capable of. That knowing what you can achieve gets muddled by the layers that life places on you.
For me it was working with a boss who constantly questioned my ability, whilst knowing what I was capable of. A boss who truly felt that belittling me would motivate me to success. I when I left that job I left flying but scarred by my experiences. It was the stigma when I changed from a high flying successful sales manager to become a stay at home mum and housewife who felt that the world suddenly no longer recognised my talents and abilities. It was when I forgot being a parent was the most important job in the world and had oodles of value.
Like many others, for years I struggled with knowing what my purpose and focus was. For a long time my confidence through the knocks of life had been dented. Words have a huge effect on how we feel about our selves and they had a big effect on me. What others say and more importantly the words we say to ourselves go deep. It takes time and effort to learn how to filter the voices of others and promote a positive voice to yourself that builds your self belief and it’s not something that comes overnight. It is a slow realisation that comes with speaking words of life into our lives, no longer dependent on the words of others to make us feel useful and secure. It is also through the evidence of all that we have achieved and then giving ourselved the lea way to believe the evidence before us.
Those who I know who have immense self belief constantly tell themselves the good stuff and they tell others theirs. These statements start with “I am…” or “I can…” and words like “can’t” are removed from the vocabulary as working solutions are always sort and found.
One such person for me has been Shaa Wasmund, she has immense self belief and she affirms herself in almost every conversation. Now, whilst I find her self appreciation just a bit over the top for me, there is much to be said for her self affirmation. I take my hat off to her for her level of achievement as she is willing to try anything and take on just about anyone because she fully believes that she can.
Know yourself, what you can and cannot do. Be comfortable with who you are and be comfortable about your skills and abilities… believe in them. Let yourself know that you are good enough, capable and enough. Believe!!
Nuture your belief, develop it, use the evidence of what you have already achieved and continue to achieve on a day to day basis. This will support your claim to your abilities and your success and what you can and will achieve. Believe you can! Tell yourself the good stuff and allow yourself to bask in it. Then take massive action you will quickly see the results and have more evidence of your magnificence. Most importantly you will have stretched yourself outside of your comfort zone and outside of the layers and limits that you and others have placed on yourself.
Your developing self belief will be the key to your success and as you nuture it your success take root and become and intregal part of you.
I love music I truly do, it can match my mood and lift me, create a specific atmosphere, make me laugh or cry. India Irie’s Testimony: Vol.1, Life & Relationship does this and sooo much more.
Each song relates to something that I’ve been through in my life, many of the emotions, thoughts and feelings raised are generic to most peoples lives. My kids love this album and thankfully it’s one that I can actually share with them. On our way to school in the car we listen to track six, There’s Hope!! WOW what a song to start your day with…”There’s hope, it doesn’t cost a thing to smile, you don’t have to pay to laugh, you’d better than God for that!” With this in their ear’s my girls go skipping off to school expecting great things.
Theres’ another song called “I Choose” this one get’s me going too. Life is so short and we spend far too much of it accentuating the negative as opposed to the positive, worse still, we spend much time blaming everyone else who our circumstances without taking personal responsibility for our words thoughts and actions. I have a huge part in what happens to me and when I remember this I take responsibility for myself and am left feeling far more satisfied having grown immeaserably. I choose says all this and a bag of chips more.
I Choose…
To be the best that I can be.
I choose
To be authentic in everything
I do.
My past don’t dictate who I am.
I choose.
Hey if we could just take this on in our lives how much more satisfied we would be in our experiences.
I love every song on this album, there are some songs that I think were written just for me right where I am in my life. You have hope and you have choice as long as you have breath to breathe.
Two other songs that have caught me attention are “Good Mourning” an absolutely amazinly written song that deals with life after a relationship has ended. And one of my favourites “This too Shall Pass” that reminds us that no matter what you are going through…. it will pass.
Well done India, this is an album to keep and remember!
It’s January 5th and 10 years ago to the day Rianna Alexandra McQueen was born, a grey baby with very low agar’s who took a while to cry. Not that I would know I was knocked out under general anaesthetic since I could not no more than 2 1/2 centimetres dilated and needed to be cut open, worse still nothing but general anaesthetic worked for me in the way of pain relief!
It’s amazing the time has flown and the little baby who had such a knowing face is blooming into a beautiful intelligent young woman who likes to present her parents with challenges. She has always been able to understand the context of words and events and happily uses them back at us at the most opportune moments!!! LOL Rianna is certainly challenging, but I can truly say that I am proud of her.
She is 10, Oh my goodness, what has the next decade got in store for me and this child who as my mum would say “has been down here before”. I know that we are entering a challenging time of our relationship as mother and daughter as she seeks to work out all the changes that are happening to her physically and mentally and as I deal with the hormonal effects of adolescence and often heart wrenching acceptance that my child is becoming a woman. We I am sure will fall out the coming years over outfits, boyfriends (No way) and other such delights, but today I am thankful and blessed that God has seen us through the gift of Rianna.
2008 is now here in earnest and I welcome it with open arms. I am so excited by the prospects of a New Year, the opportunities that I know are coming my way, new friendships, enhanced old ones, business and pleasure and so much more. Yet I would be amiss not to mention what I have gained in 2007 as that is why I can look forward to 2008 with such relish and optimism.
2007 built my confidence in so many aspects of my life, as a trainer, speaker and friend. My confidence in my ability to achieve all that I want to and so much more, cemented relationships with my friends and deeper connection with my husband. A greater understanding of the need for me to be more emotionally available to my children. Accepting that where I am right now is where I am supposed to be for now and it’s for me to embrace this moment and make is all it can be.
Last year I was reintroduced to Madeline McQueen, things she loved to do, dreams and experiences she had forgotten about. This year is all about ensuring that that I fulfill my dreams and experience the things that I love.
Last year I got rid of some old friends and found some new ones, learnt more about boundaries and openness. Discovered more about stewardship, struggled, survived and then thrived. Learned some of the things I want in business and some of the things I definitely don’t want to be involved in business.
Last year God reminded me of how much he loves and cares for me regardless and that was a very, very rich blessing. I learnt that everyone has issues and that depression is something that besets all of us from time to time. Cemented in my physce from the events last year is that it’s not what happens but how you deal with it that makes all the difference. I also learnt that when you use what’s in your hands instead of always looking for something else amazing things happen.
Last year I learnt more about forgiveness and letting go that I ever have. I recognised that some people just don’t realise the harm that they do and more so they do what they do because of their life experience and circumstances, most of what they do has nothing to do with you but everything to do with them and their own inadequacies and issues and that goes for me too.
I learnt to love a little more and continue to improve my skills in looking for the best in others. I re-introduced myself to smiling for no reason and remembered how by just doing that it could brighten my day and others. I also learnt to treasure what I have no matter how little or how much. That family doesn’t always refer to a blood relative! That family matters.
I don’t think that I can fully encapsulate all of my 2007 learning in this blog, you’d get bored if you haven’t already and I’d get RSI!!!! But one thing I must say is Thank You 2007 you have taught me much and I appreciate you for that more so you have given me an exciting and magnificent platform from which to launch myself into 2008. I’m raring to go on that back of your teachings. Thank You!
So Lauren asked me “Mum, What’s Skiing?” Well as any good parent would I took out my laptop navigated my way to you tube (oh how the world has changed!!) and found some skiing videos for her to watch and really get the gist of what was going on. As I was on my quest I came across this… you need to watch it all… it’s absolutely blooming marvelous!!!!!!
No matter what else has been said about Jeffrey Archer there is one thing that stands for me, he surely can write a good novel. I’ve read much of his work and I must say that False Impressions was an absolutely riveting read. I could not put this book down. After I had finished David took it up and finished it in an equally short period of time, not because of the lack of pages but because of it’s compelling and exciting story line. Take an old family, coveted art, a greedy ruthless man, a woman searching for a way to save her life and the fortune of others, 9-11, some unsavoury characters, a loyal taxi driver and an enquiring detective and you have one hell of a story.
are good enough, capable and enough. Believe!!