On Being Me!

I know I’ve said it before, but I have to say it again, over the last few years I have been on a huge self development journey and it has been a huge learning curve for me about myself, my interactions with other and who I really am.

This week another learning came into play, I realised that I can be easily swayed to go with the flow of someone else when things are going well, but when I get brought back to earth with a bump I remember the cold hard facts that had kept me on the straighten and narrow before got distracted. It happens in business when someone comes along with a lucrative offer that looks like it will make you lots of money, it’s a deal that you just can’t refuse or so they say and you’d be a fool not to go for it. Is it lucrative? most probably but… does it fall in line with who you are and what you do? most probably not! But the thing that really catches you is the opportunity to make that extra money and so you try it.

Funnily enough it is almost inevitable that to be successful in this new idea, this new venture you need to be committed and the more you go down it’s road the more you realise it is just not for you and that you are not committed because it does not align with your passion, your purpose and your goals. It’s called going off your straight and narrow!!

Very soon you find yourself having to pull out of the new venture and having to go back to basics and revisit your vision and your goals . This very same thing happened to me this week is a slightly tweeked way. But the same kind of problem with the same kind of outcomes. It happens with relationships as well! So what I have I learned?

1: No matter how good it sounds if it is not in line with who I am, my values and what my focus is, then it is not for me.

2: My opinion is valid and I should not allow someone else’s to crowd out mine.

3: It’s important that I be who I am, regardless of the expectations that others place on me.

4: Life is too short to live it the way someone else wants me to.

5: It’s OK to say no.

This week I have had to step out and say “Stop” and then turn around and go back to the road I should I have been on. The one that is “my” road. This week I remembered that I am ME!..  not who someone else wants me to be … and that is all right!

What are companies afraid of? Surveys!

Good old fashioned feedback is a great way to find out vital information that can help your business grow. When you ask your customers honest questions which don’t lead them to only positive answers you can really gain some gems of information that can revolutionize your business. Sadly many companies today are afraid of that kind of feedback which puts the customer in the drivers seat.

We are not often sure of what we will get back from our customers and so as we are often afraid of the unknown, we stay not knowing. I’ve worked with a number of companies to whom I have suggested that a survey was a good way to go. They had kicked and screamed about surveying their clients with excuses including lack of funds, lack of time, lack of man power to decipher the findings and many more. Often the real reason fro their reluctance is that old chestnut… fear. Fear that clients may not say what they want to hear, fear of criticism, fear that they may not be able to fix the problems that arise from the feedback they get. FEAR!!

Well as Susan Jeffers says “Feel the Fear and do it Anyway” There is so much to be gained from the honesty of our clients, we learn why we may be turning them off our products and services and how to turn them back on again. We get great ideas on how to improve our business and offerings, we find out what we are doing well so that we can implement the same ethos in other areas of our business. We gain knowledge and data and in business, apart from cash flow, data is king! With great data you can better fill your clients needs and keep on filling them so that you have consistent business and loyal customers providing you with the essential cash flow you need for a successful business . Imagine writing to a client who filled in honestly worded survey and gave you a great idea for a product, service or delivering your business better, when they receive that letter just imagine how much more they will want to use your service/products over your competition and recommend you.

Surveying works and works well, when honestly created and the answer/responses are openly received and where necessary acted on. Try it… go on you know you really want to.

Customer Service and the Credit Crunch

Yesterday I found myself driving my girls around some of the little villages surrounding Watford. It was a beautiful day and since my daughter is currently on crutches I decided that country lanes were the best thing for us. It really was a beautiful spring day and it got me thinking about my garden and how I could make the best of it so that my summer months were delightful.

I happened across a garden store which was a business run from home. It had some really beautiful plants in that I could see making a real difference in my garden. I started walking down the aisle of plants and was in awe at the different varieties of plants, herbs and trees available. I came across  some heather which I though would be great for my garden as I wanted something that could spread over the boarders but still look pretty. So I embarked on asking the person who appeared to run the centre for some help.

Hmm, well yes he did answer my question but what was missing was good old customer service. In these times of credit crunch you can’t afford to lose an interested customer… well maybe he could… After answering my questions he proceeded to have a chat with his friend and completely ignored me. I decided it was time to leave and continue my amble around the countryside with my girls.

In short he lost a sale, I chose not to buy. He never really engaged with me, he never asked me what I was trying to achieve in my garden, or suggested what could work, he never offered to show me any other alternative to the heather. I had made it clear that I was looking for something that grew quite quickly, unfortunately he never picked up on it. I had asked if he had debit card facilities and he had said yes… My goodness man, that was a buying signal if ever I’ve heard one. Opportunity knocked and opportunity was lost.

Especially in these times it is important to make your customers feel that there business is important to you. You never know who your customer could know or  who and what they are responsible for, for all the garden centre man knew I could have been the buyer for a larger garden centre. When customers are holding on tighter to their money, businesses need to be alert to the clients buying signals and seize on them with care and consideration for nervous buyers.

I’m not sure that I will ever buy from that garden centre, it seems that they were not interested in my custom and as a result I am no longer interested in their business offering. If you run your own business or work within the sales environment, remember that your customers are people who want to make wise decisions and sometimes need help to decipher how your offering fits into their need.

Are You Hungry?

My favourite children’s book is called The Very Hungry Caterpillar, when I see it in book stores I always want to purchase it again even though I know I already have two copies already stashed away at home. What is it about this book that holds my attention and makes me smile every time I see it wanting to read it again and again? You know what it is? It is the layers of learning that come from such a simple book.

The story is of a caterpillar who over the course of 7 days eats more and more food and eventually becomes so fat that it cannot move. The caterpillar becomes a chrysalis and then turns into a beautiful butterfly.

For children, the learn the seven days of the week and counting and various foods and so much more, but I got to thinking about this story and how it relates to life’s journey. I turn 40 this year and I am excited abut what the other half of my life holds for me, I realise that I have been on the journey of the caterpillar for all of the first 40 years of my life and right now I am ready to fly.

So here is the learning for me and for other adults out there who may be wondering when their change is going to come.

1. It takes time to develop who you are, your beliefs, values and most importantly what your purpose is.
2. Your experiences feed you with knowledge, understanding, skills, resources and resilience. You gain maturity through experience.
3. We are never given more than we can handle. The Very Hungry Caterpillar eats more food each day increasing exponentially only by one item each day until just before it goes it’s its metamorphosis I have learned that just before your change comes one is expected to handle a larger obstacle than ever experienced before. However you have been gearing up to this so that you can handle it.
4. There is a time when we need to stop and take stock of where we are and make changes. Where we find out who we really are. This may feel like we are not moving forward even though we are ready for change. However, like a fine wine we are maturing waiting for the right time to burst and delight ourselves and others.
5. It is only when we have gone through this process that we can emerge as a beautiful butterfly embracing all that we have learnt and continue to learn and stepping wholly and fully into our purpose without. This is when we truly realise the value of everything that we have been through before.

Here’s the thing… in order to get to being a beautiful butterfly you’ve got to be hungry.

It takes time…

We live in an ever increasingly instant gratification society, over the last decade we have had an exponential amount of loans, credit cards, by now pay later and other such financial carrots dangled at us as part of the “you can have it now” ethos that has taken over our world. Recently we have seen that this mentality has come crashing down around our shoulders and is fashionably referred to as the “Credit Crunch”.

When I was a child, it took time, hard work, effort and patience to make a house a home and fill it with the mod cons most home buyers expect today as standard. It took grit to afford to go on holiday and come back without owing a penny. Business took time to bed in and build so that it could be profitable and appreciated by it’s customers and suppliers instead of the set it up overnight and make a million in a philosophy that often privales in the modern board room.

What I have learnt in recent years goes against the modern norm… it takes time. It’s taken time for David and I to build Milestone and we know that it will take much more for it to be the sustainable business we want it to be. It’s taken time for us to appreciate that it “little by little” is far more powerful than “all in one go”. It takes time to build a positive reputation and it builds time for others to recognise it.

I sat proudly observing my husband today as he beamed because he was featured in “The Voice” Newspaper as one of the movers and shakers to watch in 2009. He has worked tirelessly with young people to raise their confidence and attainment levels and has networked constantly at the sacrifice of family time to build contacts who could help him gain access to the more lucrative corporate work that buoys up the work he does in education.  To see him featured was a real priviledge but not something that has come over night, it has taken time and it will take more to really get where we want to go.

There is a phrase in the bible that says “Let patience have her perfect work” and every day I am learning that this is exactly what I need to do. That with patience, endeavour and a giving spirit over time all things are possible.

So go ahead… take your time.

Alzheimer’s… an update

It’s been quite some time since I spoke about Alzheimer’ s, to be honest it’s a very painful subject and watching my mum deteriorate is really very difficult. I have questions that many people wouldn’t understand but those who has seen anyone suffer from a chronic disease might recognise them, so here they go.

1. When will it end?   I suppose this question is really when will mum die? No one ones the answer but it’s my most prevailing question. It’s horrible to see my mum the way she is, for me she is not who I knew her to be, so when does the facade end, so that the current grieving for a mother who is no longer with us can start for a mother who is no longer with us.
2. What does it mean that she’s put on weight? Does it mean that she is getting better? I know that it doesn’t but I kind of expect her to waste away and then when she doesn’t what does that really mean. The cruelty of the disease it seems knows no bounds, teasing us with psuedo hope, yet there is no cure.
3. Why did this have to happen? This is my meaning of life question where I suppose I shout at God for a while and then collapse in a heap and say “Thy will be done”. I know there is much to learn on this journey but it is painful all the same.
4. Is there anything we can do to make her better? I know that some swear by glyco-nutrients as reducing the effects of the disease, but there really is a feeling of hopelessness about it all. That it is inevitable that she will die and we are just waiting for the day.
5. Does she know me? This is the one all about visits, when you wonder if she knew that you were there. Last time I visited she said my name and I felt great, I don’t think it was because she recognised me but to be honest you can never be sure.

I have lots of questions, Alzheimer’s has a way of making you question when you see the demise of your parent to it’s clutches. I’ve sought outside help in being able to offload the stress of it all and it has been brilliant for me in managing the pain and hurt more effectively. Alzheimer’s really is a carers disease it hurts everyone involved and it’s overwhelming. I’ve learned that it is alright to say that it hurts and that it’s OK to cry unashamedly for as long as I want to, grieving the loss of the mother I knew and the arrival of this other person.

I love my mum and will forever have her in my heart. She is wheelchair bound, she speaks in riddles much of which is gibberish, she is hunched over quite often, her head held down and her eyes not quite fully open. She holds on to whatever she can and if she has your hand she’s not letting go. But she’s my mum still even if her character seems to be lost behind those eyes.

Auguste Deter (1850-1906) the first woman to be diagnosed with Alzheimers Disease

I wish that it could be taken more seriously this disease that takes our parents before their time leaving a shell of the person who was behind. I wish that sexy campaigns could be devised to raise millions to fund the much necessary research. I wish that the NHS and government would acknowledge the millions of carers who keep the costs of the disease at a minimum. I wish that those who made the decision about not giving the disease preventing drugs to those in the early stages of Alzheimers could really understand why its necessary to have the drug so early in the life of the disease. Lastly, I wish I could have my real mum back… but sadly that it not to be.

That’s my Alzheimer’s update.  If you’re experiencing it through your parent or grandparent, I hope it helps to know that you are not alone.

A New Resolution

Happy New Year everyone and I hope that it’s a great one for you. I’ve decided this year not to make the traditional New Years resolutions of loosing weight, going to the gym three times a week, finding that dream, job, the right guy (not applicable to me but it is to some) etc, etc. It just seems to be a waste of time and yesterday Mental health charity Mind warned that it is bad for your health!
Chief Executive of Mind Paul Farmer said

“We chastise ourselves for our perceived shortcomings and set unrealistic goals to change our behaviour, so it’s not surprising that when we fail to keep resolutions, we end up feeling worse than when we started,”

and how true that is!

So here is my new resolution for life,

“To be the best that I can be, love myself enough to treat myself right and extend grace to myself as I do to others and enjoy the journey that is life.”

That is it! Everything else will just flow. I’m content that I am equipped to be all and I can be and that what I am missing I will gain along the way. Life is too short to spend it beating myself up on what I shoulda, woulda, coulda done. It’s time to just enjoy being me.

Happy New Year being you!

You Just Be You

I know I’ve been quiet for quite some time, blogging only here on there, but whilst I have been absent I have been travelling on my self discovery journey which inevitably is not over yet. I have learnt so much about myself and at the same time accepted so much more about me. I’ve learned to trust my instincts better and even more importantly I have learned to extend to myself grace.

If you watch television you will find lots of wanna be’s, look alikes and copy cats, you will also find lots of adverts impressing on you how you should look, what you should eat, or wear or what car to buy and over and over again images are being impressed on us of who we should be. The truth is you should just be you, regardless of your weight, height, dress send or career, it’s important that you accept yourself just the way you are. If there is any need to change that should be lead by your desire to the the best that YOU can be not the best that someone else prescribed for you.

It takes some real forgiveness to accept yourself and to be happy with who you are, whilst there are some things that I would really live to develop about myself and work on I can truly say that I am happy with me. It’s from this standpoint that I can move forward, allowing myself to be all that I can be with out reservation and self criticism that often hampers that success that I should be experiencing. I’ve learnt to challenge my underdog who tells me that I can’t do some thing or that I’m not good enough, slim enough, tall enough (insert your own) and remind myself of all I have achieved and are capable of achieving.

My dad died when I was ten years old, way back in 1979 when bereavement counselling wasn’t fashionable and when you just got on with it, my mum has been suffering with dementia in the form of Alzheimers for the last 10 years and it has been really very hard going. But!!! and this really is a big but… what I has really hit me in the face is that whilst these things have affected me Life is for the Living and tomorrow is not promised so it’s time to seize today. It’s time to live enjoying who I am not wishing away the skills and qualities I have in the desire to be like someone else. It’s time to recognise that I am enough and that what I have to offer is just as good as the next person if not better. We can either let our life experiences push us forward or allow them to take us down.  I am who I am a woman who is multi-skilled, multi-faceted, with amazing prospects.

If I can be me and love me then you can just be you.

We’re still not equal!

I’ve kept out of the Obama debate because it’s just silly. What can I say? Well all I can say is that “We’re still not equal!” I’m bored of the head lines. Barak Omaba is a man period!! Yes he is black… and so what? For all of the multiculturalism in this world, the racism still sticks out like garlic in a stew. Why don’t people just get it?

BLACK PEOPLE ARE PEOPLE TOO!! Oh for sure we have been through some hell.. treated less than animals, encaptures, enslaved, raped, torn apart and really, really affected by the slave mentality we were left with after 400 years of slavery. But we are still people. Intelligent, creative, versatile, fun, expressive and a whole lot more. We are human beings, not subhuman.

Barak Obama should be judged on his ability to get the job done. Not the colour of his skin. You don’t hear press reports or read articles saying that John McCain may loose his votes at the poles because he’s white… that’s right… because it would never cross anyones mind just because he is white. It makes him no more or no less deserving that Barak Obama because he’s black.

What a world we live in, where people pretend to be something they are really not. Racism lives and the people who know it are those who suffer it. Which is why it is so easy for those who don’t to say that it doesn’t exist. To quote an old American Indian phrase (and let’s face it they had a rough time too!).. “I will not judge a man until I have walked a mile in his moccasins.”

We were all created equal, we have the same bodies, organs, functionality, emotions. We are all unique and yet so alike, when will we accept each other without looking at the colour first? When will we all be viewed as equal

Don’t believe the hype

Recently I’ve had to really reassess what it is I want to do with my life or should I say my working life. Business development comes very naturally to me. Sit down in front of me and tell me about your business and inevitably I am able to help you find ways to reach your goals, focus better and maximise your business offering.

But I have had to ask myself… where does my passion life Madeline McQueen? And when I really thought about it, it comes with empowering people… women especially and helping them be the best that they can be. I’m passionate about helping them find the solutions to their problems whether that be making the best of their appearance finding the career that they want to be in or working on their relationships. It’s about helping them feel great and be great!!

So many times we follow a path because others tell us it is what we should be doing or we do so to be understood by and fit in with society. It’s just not necessary to do so! I realised that amidst all that I do work wise I have still be questioning if what I do is a legitimate job… why? Well something to do with not working 9 – 5 and having a payslip with the same amount of money in it each month! It’s silly I know, but I wonder just how many people out there who work for themselves or run their own businesses question their validity just because it doesn’t comform to the… “get a job” expectation that is placed on us from children.

So this morning, I say don’t believe the hype, be who you are and if that is not encompassed under one title… so what!! We are all many things and cannot be defined by the badge that someone else places on us. And so over the coming weeks you will find changing in my blog as I write about the varying sides of what I offer as a person and a business.

Step out into who you are and enjoy the journey…